I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
