i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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