Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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