I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
