i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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