I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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