1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
