just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
