I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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