And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
