I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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