Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just want nice things and good sex
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
