dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
