I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
