just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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