yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
only if we run a train.
done.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
