The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
