nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
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