her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
