Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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