was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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