I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
