When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
areolas are like halos for boobs.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
This is the high leading the old right now
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Enjoy the penises
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
