my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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