with your own penis?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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