I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
God I need to hump something, right now.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
