its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
