better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
