My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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