You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
