I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
