Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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