Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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