Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
