I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
