my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
