I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
