my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
