I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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