Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
