somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
