so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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