I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She told me I should be a condom model.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
