I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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