I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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