yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
