sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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