She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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