Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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