i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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