you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
