He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
